The Two Man Throne

One morning while sipping our coffee and reading the newspaper by the lake in our camp chairs, Billy and I started talking about how uncomfortable camp chairs can be. They are comfortable for a short time but when you live in a campground half the year, it would be nice to have something a little more comfortable. Just then, a light bulb appeared over my head and I suggested we should go half and half on a used couch. We could set it right next to the lake and read our newspaper and sip our coffee in comfort. Just think how comfortable we would be fishing from a couch and sitting around the campfire in the evening instead of a camp chair or picnic table I added. We could even take an occasional afternoon nap on it if we really wanted too. Billy thought I was a freaking genius at this point and the search for the perfect couch began. Well, not really the perfect couch but a couch that was in our very modest price range of about $20.

We searched the newspaper for a couch while laughing about how redneck we were going to look and how people were going to laugh at us. After a while we even started talking about getting some end tables, lamps and rugs to make our own little living room but thought it would be best to start with the couch and go from there. The more we talked about it, the harder we laughed until we were almost lying on the ground laughing.

Unfortunately, Billy and I were unable to find a couch in our price range and were really bummed out. A few days later, our friend Terry came out camping and we told him all about what we had planned but were unable to find one. Terry smiled and told us it was our luck day. “I have a couch at home I haven’t been able to give away” he said. “I have asked just about everyone I know if they want it and nobody wants it so it’s just sitting there if you want it” Terry explained. “Hell yeah we want it” Billy and I shouted. Terry then told us that there were just two small details about the couch we should know before going and getting it. Terry’s dog used to like lifting his leg and pissing on one end of the couch along the bottom. It has been cleaned but still has a bit of dog piss smell to it. The second detail was that there were no give backs. He never wanted the couch back so if we take it, it’s ours forever. Billy and I thought that since the couch was going to sit outside anyway, the dog piss shouldn’t be that big of a deal and we didn’t figure we would want to give up the couch after we had it anyway so we agreed to Terry’s terms. Billy and I hopped into my truck (Black Beauty) like a couple of high school kids, got the couch from Terry’s house and brought it back to the campground. We sat it next to the lake and sat down like kings sitting on their thrones.

Soon after getting nice and comfy on our two man throne, Billy remembered he had a megaphone in the back of his truck. We grabbed it and took turns yelling things like “HEY! What are you doing over there” or “HEY! Your music it too loud over there” or “HEY! YOU! In the yellow T-shirt! Nice shorts!” or “Hey! Blonde lady! Show us your t*&s!” or “HEY! FAT GUY! How many beers you gonna have today?” to people across the lake. At one point we even had my six year old son yelling “HEY! (insert name)! Are you my daddy?” After a while, we had the entire lake laughing hysterically.

News of a couple of rednecks fishing and yelling at people through a megaphone on a couch didn’t take long to spread. People would honk and wave to us as they drove by on golf carts or in their cars. A few people came with cameras just to get a picture of us chillaxing on our thrown. We happily posed for photos and even signed autographs. LOL

It’s good to be king!