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Mayo and Chili Dogs

July 24, 2010

Blind Tommy and his wife Katy were forced to borrow a camper from a friend to be able to camp until they found the right camper to buy this year. They refused to spend another year in the camper they had last year because of its small size so they sold it. Custer, the friend they borrowed the camper from, was nice enough to let them borrow his and asked for a few favors from BT as a trade off. BT agreed and they were off to the resort for another fun summer of camping with the gang.

Custer camped here last year and would be best described as a wierdy hermit. He’s an unhappy soul that stays to himself and doesn’t really want to be bothered. You may catch him walking up to the shower house for a shower once in a while or coming home from work but other than that, he stayed out of sight in his camper. We had many conversations around the campfire last year as to why he was such a hermit. Possible serial killer, drug addiction, self mutilator, bad personal hygiene and possible pedophile were some of the ideas thrown out for discussion.

We FINALLY came to the conclusion early this year around the fire that it was none of those things at all but that Custer MUST be a chronic masturbator! Why else would he never come out of his camper unless it was absolutely necessary? He couldn’t keep his hands off himself long enough to sit with us around the fire, go fishing or do anything for that matter! We were all so proud of ourselves for FINALLY figuring out this perplexing puzzle and thought we should get a medal from the FBI or at least Scotland Yard. CASE CLOSED!

As we were all boasting about how smart we all are BT and Katy started realizing that they were eating and sleeping in the camper of a chronic masturbator. Being the great friends we are to them, we felt it was our duty to give them some shit crap for a while. We started asking how white the ceiling is in there, if there are any plumbing problems in the shower, sticky spots on the carpet, etc…etc…etc. BE’s and I gave them the most crap and everyone else followed suit. They took it quite well for quite a while until we all decided to go to bed.

The next day when BT was at work and Katy was in town, BE’s and I decided to take things one step further by rubbing mayonnaise behind the latch to the camper door so when they come home, one of them would end up with white goo on their hands. We hoped it would be BT but Katy ended up with the sticky mess on her hands instead. BE’s and I denied any involvement in such a cruel joke and said Custer HAD to have stopped by while they were at work to get his “magazines” out of his camper before BT and Katy found them. BT may be legally blind but he’s not stupid!

Later that evening when BT and Katy came over to our campfire, BT was holding a plate with paper towels drooped over the plate. He uncovered the plate and asked if we would like some chili dogs that were left over from dinner. I’m not one for passing on free food and neither is BE’s so we both grabbed one. After we ate a chili dog each, there was still one more left that I was lucky enough to get to eat. They were DELICIOUS as far as chili dogs go and BE’s and I made several comments on their deliciousness! We thanked him for his kindness and before we knew it, it was once again time for bed.

I came into our camper and fell sound asleep. Unfortunately, that didn’t last very long. I woke up at 2:00am clenching my butt cheeks together as tight as I could while my stomach made loud growling and sloshing noises wondering if I should even try to get to the bathroom or if I should just let it rip and face the consequences later. I chose to run to the bathroom and luckily made it in there by just a butt hair. I spent the next thirty minutes shitting pooping what felt like fireballs from the depths of hell. Sweat was running off my forehead and onto my cheeks as I prayed for it to be over. After getting rid of a weeks worth of food, I was FINALLY done and I could give my ass a rest. I returned to bed only to wake up at 4:00am and repeat the whole process once again.

The next morning while BE’s and I enjoyed our morning coffee, I mentioned what had happed to me. He was surprised to hear of my butt clenching, fireball shooting night because the same thing happened to him as well. We started talking about what we may have eaten to cause such a horrific night. “CHILI DOGS” we both remembered and loudly proclaimed in unison.

The only question now was were the chili dogs tampered with or did they just coincidentally have the same effect on the both of us? BT of course denied any involvement in such a cruel joke and found our night of fireball shitting pooping quite amusing. Hmmmmmmmmm…..

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. Leese permalink
    July 24, 2010 1:13 PM

    GARY!!! Welcome back!!

    .. and what a way to return!!! Love it!! I want to hang with you and your friends!!!

    Missed You!!

    • July 24, 2010 3:37 PM

      Thanks leese!! It’s GREAT to be back!! You can hang with my friends and I ANYTIME!! 🙂

  2. Sue permalink
    July 24, 2010 11:31 PM

    Oh Gary! You should know he’d deny it til the end so accept that he got you back! That was hilarious!!!!! Sorry for your butt cheeks, but it was funny reading! Welcome back 🙂

    • July 30, 2010 12:58 PM

      I suppose I should just accept it but it’s hard. It’s not every day you can pull a fast one on me or BE but he sure did! LOL

      Thanks Sue and glad to be back! 🙂

  3. July 27, 2010 7:34 AM

    Hahaaaaa!
    Oh, Gary, you deserved a little retaliation for your prank.
    Hope your butt isn’t still burning.

    • July 30, 2010 12:59 PM

      Yeah, I suppose I did deserve a little something in return. LOL The butt is doing well and thank you very much for your concern. LOL

  4. July 27, 2010 10:31 AM

    You are home! I just popped over thinking ahh they probably aren’t home and Lo and behold a new post. I was so excited I had to comment. Now I will scroll up and read your post. :+) LOL Miss you guys.

    • July 30, 2010 1:00 PM

      Actually, no I’m not home. I write some posts in the camper Starla and update them from time to time from home or at the library. Be on the lookout for new posts!!! 🙂

  5. July 27, 2010 10:42 AM

    So funny still smiling, sorry about your plight. Glad your back, what a story! Funny stuff. Who knew popping fire balls could be so funny. I’m sure at one point the doubled over in pain point maybe not so funny, but the recollection made for a great post. It’s still Summer can’t imagine your back for long as long as there are catfish to catch.:+) Is that true?

    • July 30, 2010 1:02 PM

      Very true! As long as there are fish to be caught, I will be at the resort. Looking to come home late September or early October. I will be back in full blogging swing then. LOL

  6. Tasneem R permalink
    July 29, 2010 3:08 AM

    Hi Gary ! Welcome back ! It’s been long commenting on your blog . So what kept you so busy all theses days ?

    • July 30, 2010 1:03 PM

      Hi Tasneem!

      My summers are pretty filled with camping at the resort we belong too. Don’t worry, I’m slowly coming back so be looking for new posts soon! 🙂

  7. July 30, 2010 3:09 PM

    that is funny shit!

  8. August 10, 2010 7:13 PM

    That is some funny shit… Lesa beat me to the punchline! Ahahahahahahah what is it with you shitting your pants all the time Gary? LMAO!

    • August 16, 2010 10:06 AM

      All puns intended right Sherri? LOL I’m not really sure to tell you the truth. I suppose some would say I am full of shit maybe? LOL

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