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The Camper That Got Away

April 30, 2010

Written Monday, March 1st, 2010

A few nights ago I found myself in my man cave setting up lawn chairs, firing up my 5,000 BTU propane heater and starting a pot of coffee. It was Saturday night, MAN CAVE night! Bitch Eyes and Blind Tommy were on their way over for a fun evening of being men and shooting the shit. Blind Tommy supplies the beer. All of us supply the bullshit.

BE and BT arrives right on time. BE helps himself to a cup of coffee and BT cracks open a cold beer and they take a seat. BT starts telling us about a motor home he found online for an almost unbelievable price. It was an older 40 foot motor home for $1,100. He said he had already called and talked to the owners about it and everything in it worked except for two of the three batteries and it ran great. They were selling it so cheap because they didn’t use it anymore and it was taking up a lot of room in their drive way. BE and I were pretty impressed with BT’s find and were ready to go look at it. That’s when BT decided it was time to let us in on a couple “catches”. There ALWAYS has to be a “catch” or two when finding such a good deal on something.

The “catch” was that someone else was already in line for it first. Someone was taking a look at it as we sat in the garage listening to BT tell us about it. The second “catch” is the motor home is six hours away somewhere between Bumblefuck and middleoffuckingnowhere Iowa under a foot of snow. Since Tommy’s legally blind, (we do call him Blind Tommy for a reason) he would need BE and I to drive up there to get the camper. All of us would drive up there in BT’s van and then one of us would drive it back home while the other drove the motor home back. BE and I were more than happy to help BT out and we all started planning our little road trip, hoping the camper didn’t sell before we could get there.

As we were excitingly planning our little get away, the owner of the motor home called BT’s cell phone to give him an update. The owner told BT that the people that were supposed to come and look at the camper never showed up so it was still available. BT let the owners know we were leaving first thing in the morning and BT would call them as soon as we left his house. Since we were driving six hours one way to look at and hopefully buy the camper, BT asked if they would please not sell it to anyone before we arrived and the owners agreed.

Our plan was to meet at BT’s house at 6:00am. We would load up his van with some of our personal belongings along with a couple shovels and a snow blower to dig the motor home out of the snow and be on the road by 7:00am which would put us between Bumblefuck and middleoffuckingnowhere Iowa at about 1:00pm. BT would look at the camper and if he liked it, buy it. BT was 99% sure he would buy it because if it was HALF as nice as the owners claim it is he would still buy it for that kind of money. After it was officially BT’s camper, we would drive into town and get the two batteries it needed and then dig it out of the snow with the shovels and snow blower we brought with us. After it was all dug out and running, we would hit the road and find a place to pull over for the night. If the motor home had propane in the tanks, we would fire up the heater and sleep in the camper. If not, we would find a motel to sleep in for the night. We were all as excited as three college kids heading to Jamaica for spring break. That’s about the time the unforeseen third “catch” was sprung on us.

My wife Paula walked into the man cave to see what we were up too. She usually checks on us periodically to make sure we aren’t doing something stupid like making flame throwers out of gas cans or duck taping BT to a chair naked and putting him out in the street. As soon as we saw her, we all three started telling her about our road trip plans like a bunch of excited school girls. All of us giggling and laughing about how much fun we were going to have. Paula just listened with a smile on her face. After we finished telling her all about it, she spoke up with the third “catch”.

“Sounds like you guys are going to have a lot of fun” Paula said in a smart ass voice. “Especially in the six to nine inches of snow we are supposed to get all night tonight and all day tomorrow”. “Well, I will leave you guys to your planning” Paula said and walked back into the house. The three of us looked at each other with bummed out expressions. BT looked like a three year old who’s older brother pissed in his bowl of Cheerio’s.

BE didn’t care about the snow and said we were going anyway. He tried to convince us that the weather man didn’t know what the hell he was talking about and we should go anyway. BT and I were pretty hesitant on driving that far in a snow storm, especially in a 40 foot camper that none of us have ever driven. BE tried and tried to get us to go but BT and I held our ground, even after being called names like wussies, sissies, pansies and pu$$ies. BT and I just wouldn’t give in to BE’s peer pressure. We decided to see what happened overnight and go from there. As BT and BE walked out of my man cave to head home, the snow began to fall.

The next morning I woke up bright and early and looked outside. There was about an inch and a half of fresh snow on the ground and it was still falling from the sky. I called BT to see if we were still staying home or giving it a shot. We decided to stay home and try it again in the morning. BT called BE and the owners of the motor home to let them know we would try again tomorrow after the snow storm. About an hour or two later, the snow stopped falling and we ended up with only a couple inches of snow. Later that afternoon, the owners called BT and let him know they sold the motor home.

I suppose BE was right when he said the weather man didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. BT got screwed out of a motor home because of the weather man and he and I will never be able to live this down. BE will remind us of this little incident for months to come.

Tis Life.

16 Comments leave one →
  1. Sue permalink
    April 30, 2010 10:09 PM

    Oh man, that is such a bummer 😦 I’m sorry for BT not getting the camper of his dreams, but everything happens for a reason (I believe) so I’m betting you guys saved yourselves a lot of hassle. I hope you don’t hear about it too much b/c it’s no fun to be reminded of the “one that got away”!

    • May 2, 2010 3:28 PM

      We hear about it so much that I wish we would have gone. EVEN if we would have got all that snow. LOL

  2. May 1, 2010 11:11 AM

    That’s a tough story. Ask Navar some day about the good luck bad luck story. So sad when you get your heart set on something, and it doesn’t work out. You never no maybe it has a sneaky mold problem and BT was saved from a difficult situation. Hard to say send my condolences. Like you said Tis Life.

    • May 1, 2010 11:12 AM

      crap know not no. sheesh.;+/

    • May 2, 2010 3:29 PM

      Tis life indeed! I don’t know that it was the camper of his dreams but it was in his price range. LOL

  3. May 1, 2010 12:13 PM

    I’m feeling bad about your friend losing such a sweet camper so after some thought I figure maybe this would cheer him up he can have this one. Here you go BT I know it’s not as nice as the one you were wanting but it’s not bad for a fixer upper.

    • May 2, 2010 3:30 PM

      BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That’s something BT, BE and I would make! LOL

  4. May 1, 2010 2:07 PM

    Ruh roh raggie. Well, that’s a bummer. How did Blind Tommy find a deal like that in the first place?

    • May 2, 2010 3:31 PM

      He found it on the internet. He finds deals on cars and campers and things all the time. I guess you could say he has a “knack” for finding good deals. 😀

  5. May 2, 2010 8:29 AM

    so now lets hear the story of the one that he landed!

  6. May 2, 2010 10:54 AM

    Gary your stories are always classic! Technically, you all should blame Paula, had you all not known about the snowstorm you would have probably driven there anyway. But you’d better not blame her on second thought, cuz you might be livin in that there man cave for awlhile.

    • May 2, 2010 3:32 PM

      Thanks Sherri! Good point…..I guess when you really look at the situation it’s Paula’s fault. Your right though, I don’t think I will be telling her that. LOL

  7. May 5, 2010 4:32 PM

    I say had they are men from iowa and illinois and should have known to go anyway …just.sayin.

  8. July 17, 2010 2:39 PM

    Looking at the lengths of your resent posts have you taken typing lessons or have you just bought a really good keyboard?

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