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Economic Stimulus Plan

January 16, 2010

Some of you taxpayers have questions about the Economic Stimulus Plan.
This is a very exciting program.  I’ll try to explain it using the
Q and A format:

Q.  What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A.  It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
 

Q.  Where will the government get this money?
A.  From taxpayers.

Q.  So the government is giving me back my own money?
A.  Only a smidgen.

Q.  What is the purpose of this payment?
A.  The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV
set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isin’t that stimulating the economy of China?

 A. Shut Up.

 

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spendingyour stimulus check wisely:          
     •      If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
    •      If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
    •      If you purchase a computer, it will go to India . 
    •      If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico ,
            Honduras and Guatemala .
    •      If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
    •      If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
    •      If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to
            management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1.      spending it at yard sales, or     
2.      going to ball games, or    
3.      spending it on prostitutes, or     
4.      beer or     
5.      tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US ..)

Conclusion: Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. S. Le permalink
    January 16, 2010 9:24 AM

    That’s more sad than funny in that it’s true. 😦

  2. January 16, 2010 12:56 PM

    Well….what an education here? 🙂

  3. LVISS permalink
    January 16, 2010 6:12 PM

    PLEASE PURCHASE COMPUTERS .

  4. January 16, 2010 9:42 PM

    LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!

  5. January 17, 2010 1:39 PM

    It is sad, indeed, but even more, it is not only that way in the USA. I still had a smile on my face, when I read your post 🙂

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