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Strategic Easter Egg Hunting

April 13, 2009

Paula and I took our four year old son Logan to an Easter egg hunt on Saturday. The sun was shining and the temperature was in the low 60’s. Perfect conditions for an Easter egg hunt.

The official Easter egg hiders had a pretty easy job! The hunt was held in an open, grassy area of a nice park in town. They divided the area into three adjoining smaller areas with yellow tape for different age groups. All the eggs were simply placed onto the ground in wide open view. No hunting skills needed for this Easter egg hunt. There were literally hundreds and hundreds of different colored Easter eggs just laying on the ground for the taking. It’s was a dream come true for any young child. 😀

Shortly before the hunt was to begin, the head Easter egg man entered the Easter egg arena with a megaphone to make his announcement. “Children two and under to my left, children three to five years of age in the center area and children six and over in the area to my right.” “We have just a few minutes before we start but please take your children to the proper hunting area”. That’s when MY fun began!! I’m a people watcher! LOL

There was a MAD DASH to the starting line of the hunt. Parents in full sprint dragging their children behind them as to make sure their child was in the front of the line. Kids frantically looking around for their parents so they could get in line and not miss the hunt. Cameras coming out of bags and purses all over the place. Parents and children confused as to what line to get into even though the head Easter egg man made it VERY clear with a freakin megaphone. I heard confusion all over the place! “What age group is this line?” “I think we are supposed to be over in that line Suzy?” “Those kids over there look more like your age Bobby”. PEOPLE, the Easter egg man made it VERY CLEAR with a freakin megaphone. Apparently, more than one line is just too damn confusing for some people?? I found this of course, quite amusing.

After all the confusion seemed to be figured out, the head Easter egg man took center stage with his megaphone once again. “We will be starting the hunt in just a couple more minutes.” “We want to make sure that everyone is here before we begin”. See, this to me is not right! I say FUCK EM! If the hunt was supposed to begin at 1:00 then start the hunt at 1:00 by golly. Why should the people who show up ON TIME have to wait for the fucktards that can’t make it to an Easter egg hunt on time? Sure, I would feel sorry for those kids that have fucktards as parents but it’s just NOT FAIR for the rest of us.

As we waited for the last of the stragglers to make their way to the Easter egg arena, I was once again amused by all the parents choosing the best strategy in getting as many eggs as possible with their children. Don’t get me wrong; Paula and I were just as guilty as everyone else in strategizing. Paula said to me “ok, I’m going to walk to the other end of the tape boundary.” “You stay on this end with Logan and tell him to skip all the eggs in the beginning and run down to me at the other end.” “All the other kids will go for the first eggs they come too and Logan will be down on the other end where none of the other kids will be”. “He will have ALL those eggs down there all to himself”. I agreed that this was an AWESOME strategy!! Hopefully, he will be at the other end of the arena all by his lonesome self calmly picking up eggs and placing them into his bag as the other children run around freaking out, falling down and getting trampled on in the pursuit of the Easter egg. I heard other parents telling their kids things like “ok Billy, you see those eggs all clumped together off to the right?” “Start there cause there are a lot there”. My favorite was “ok Tommy, just run out to the center and keep working in circles until they are all gone.” What? Keep working in circles? WTF are you talking about lady??

FINALLY the head Easter egg man took the center of the arena with megaphone in hand once again. The anticipation of what he was going to say was almost too much for many to handle. Some of the ADHD and ritalin taking kids were making their way slowly out into the arena and the Easter egg man had to round them back up and make them go back to the starting line. He raised his megaphone and said “Ok folks, we are going to start the hunt now”. “When you hear the siren, run out here and gather as many Easter eggs as you can”. This was the queue for parents to give their children one last pep talk including myself. “Remember what you are gonna do Logan” I asked. He shook his head yes and looked to make sure Paula was standing in the same place so he new where to run. “Remember what I told you Billy” and “Suzy, don’t forget what we talked about” and “Tommy, remember to work in circles” are some of the things I heard from the other parents.

Suddenly, the siren sounded and the kids were off like a heard of wild horses. None of them remembering any of the strategies that they had talked over with their parents. Just 50,000 kids running all over the place throwing as many eggs in their bags and baskets as possible. Logan at first ran towards Paula on the other end but passing all of those eggs was just too much for him and he stopped about half way there and started gathering eggs. Tommy didn’t work in circles at all, more of a straight line really and Suzy just didn’t give a shit at all and strolled around the arena like the freakin eggs were going to jump into her bag all on their own.

Who would have known that an Easter egg hunt could be this much fun for adults? I laughed my ass off the whole damn time!!

21 Comments leave one →
  1. April 13, 2009 6:57 AM

    easter egg hunting javajunkee’s kids style.
    When my son (now 17)was little and was on an easter egg hunt. His strategy was grab an egg open it..take the candy out and throw the empty egg on the ground because some fucktard kid would still pick it up! Now that wasn’t my strategy but every watching it was busting up laughing and I just like that ever so proud cheerleading mom or football dad was like “that’s my boy”!
    It was one of the more hilarious things that kid has pulled in his lifetime. And dumbass me did NOT have a camera at that time.

    • April 13, 2009 10:54 PM

      ROFLMAO!! I LIKE that strategy!! I could just see ALL the parents CRACKING up over that one!! LOL

      No camera at the time?? awwwwww man!! 😦

  2. April 13, 2009 6:58 AM

    (gads I wish they would put an edit button on these damn things 🙂 that should say everyBODY watching it.

  3. pammy wammy permalink
    April 13, 2009 7:34 AM

    That was a funny story.I close my eyes and I can see,thats alot of people,me being from a small town.I hope your son ended up with alot of easter eggs in his basket.I would of enjoyed just watching.My kids are now 30,28&18,and their easter hunts was my moms,their nanas hiding little chocolate easter eggs all over the place.I remember them almost jumping out of there skins till nana said go.I too felt so xcited for them.Now I have a 1 1/2 & 2year old grandkids,so I get to get all xcited again.This year in my home I hid some stuff.My grandsons first easter hunt.The smile on his face when he found them made this nana so HAPPY.Kids are the joy of all holidays.Hope you and your family had an awesome Easter.

    • April 13, 2009 10:52 PM

      Hi Pam!!

      Nice to see you here!!!

      I’m glad you liked my little story. 😉 The population of the area I live is around 250,000. It’s not too big and not too small, just about right really. Always something going on somewhere all year round. I bet you do get all excited again with VERY young grandkids! That’s AWESOME!!

      You said it all Pam! Kids ARE the joy of all holidays!! We had a very nice Easter with family, thank you. Sounds like you had a good one also!!

  4. April 13, 2009 8:29 AM

    Did your kid enjoy the egg hunt as much as you did??? ROFL!!!

    I never took my kids to a public “hunt” since we lived way out in the boonies but this sounds too much like every other competitive sport that kids are involved in. If you don’t have a sense of humor about these things I can see where it might be a little too intense for some children!

    And I agree COMPLETELY about starting on time!! That is one of my all-time pet peeves!!!

    • April 13, 2009 10:46 PM

      Hi Trisha!!

      I think he enjoyed it as much as I did. He said he did anyway. LOL

      Innit frustrating? I mean all those kids just standing there looking at all those eggs wanting to go grab them but they have to wait for the people showing up late. If it starts at 1:00pm then start at 1:00pm!!! 😉

  5. April 13, 2009 9:05 AM

    This is a cute. I absolutely HATE waiting for LATE people. If we are on time, why can’t other people be? If it starts at 1, it starts at 1 and not when the late comers decide to show up!!! And it’s because everyone waits for them that they don’t give a rats behind and never even try to be on time!!!! Small pet peeve of mine!!!

    I love how everyone has the strategy down and when it starts, it all flies out the window and the kids end up doing what they want to do anyway. That is so cute. It is after all for the kids. We had a great hunt here too and had a really great day.

    • April 13, 2009 10:43 PM

      That really pisses me off too! Especially when it’s a kids activity. Controlling a bunch of young kids standing there looking at all of those Easter eggs is hard enough without making the poor kids stand there longer waiting for the people that can’t show up on time. If it starts at 1:00pm then start the damn thing at 1:00pm I say! If you can’t show up on time then YOU LOSE!

      I saw some photos from your hunt on Facebook. It does look like you all had a great time! Good for you guys!!

  6. April 13, 2009 9:24 AM

    Thanks for sharing that Gary I now feel like Ive been to an Easter Egg Hunt! My Easter is now complete. And very funny play by play commentary. I felt like I was there. Sounds like you guys had a really nice day. I love the controlled chaos one of the finer things in life really. Great Story Gary.

    • April 13, 2009 10:37 PM

      It was my pleasure Starla! I’m also glad I could complete your Easter. ROFL!!

  7. April 13, 2009 10:03 AM

    I always had easter egg hunts in my garden… my dad left little clues around wth the eggs 🙂 Sounds like you had a lot of fun xD
    I agree with the late thing. Let’s just go.

    • April 13, 2009 10:36 PM

      We had an Easter egg hunt and his grandmother’s house also which he really enjoyed as well. We did have a lot of fun, yes.

  8. April 13, 2009 3:31 PM

    Gary, you are quite the story teller. Followed it with a smile! Thanks to you! 🙂

    • April 13, 2009 10:32 PM

      The pleasure was all mine Luisa. BELIEVE ME!!! 😉

  9. Sue permalink
    April 13, 2009 4:25 PM

    I HATED Easter egg hunts as a kid. We did it a couple of times and then I just said I didn’t want to go. I felt like everyone was watching me and I hated not finding as much as the other kids running around like headless chickens! I hate parades for the same reasons…don’t like people watching me go get the candy…then or now!

    • April 13, 2009 10:32 PM

      I bet you don’t like being the center of attention at a party as an adult then either?? I didn’t mind them. I thought they were pretty cool for a while but lost interest as I got older.

  10. Eric Richardville permalink
    April 14, 2009 10:55 PM

    Hi Gary. I would first like to say that I loved the Easter egg story. I was wondering if I may put your blog on my blogroll. I am wanting to add my favorites to the blogroll. I found out about your site by watching Doraz Says’ site. I am new to this blogging thing and I was wondering if you would check out my site, and if you like it, would you add it to your blogroll. If not that is fine too. I am still going to tune in to Gary’s World on a normal basis. My url is Thanks for your time.

    • April 15, 2009 9:07 AM

      Hi Eric!

      I’m glad you liked my little Easter egg hunting adventure and I would be honored to be on your blogroll. I will add your blog to my blogroll as well and thanks for visitig on a normal basis!! It’s nice to have you here and don’t be a stranger!!!

  11. Eric Richardville permalink
    April 15, 2009 3:18 PM

    Thank you for welcoming me so warmly. And thanks for the add-on. Keep up with the fantastic stories. Talk to you soon.

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