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Showers – Women/Men

February 27, 2009

How to Shower like a Woman:

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Complain because your husband had been eating your gingernut and jaffa cake body wash.

11. Rinse conditioner off hair.

12. Shave armpits and legs.

13. Turn off shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

15. Get out of shower onto a floor towel. Dry with a towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

16. Hang floor towel on side of tub.

17. Check entire body for zits, tweeze unwanted hairs.

18. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

19. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the ‘woo-woo’ sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face.

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12. Taste your wife’s ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

14. Pee.

15. Rinse off and get out of shower. (What’s a floor towel?)

16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

17. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

18. Leave shower curtain open, water on floor, light and fan on.

19. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the ‘woo-woo’ sound again.

20. Throw wet towel on bed.

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. ~*вяσωηιє*~ permalink
    February 27, 2009 12:58 AM

    lol that is so funny. I didn’t know that the women are that so fussy! or men that so…. I don’t know, but its funny and can be disgusting at times! lol!

    Good one *thumbs up*

    • February 27, 2009 11:35 AM

      Thanks Brownie!!

      I’m glad you liked and thanks for dropping by and commenting! 🙂

  2. February 27, 2009 8:52 AM

    LMAO….ROFL….LOL
    Men are hilarious!
    Women are….well, you fill in the blank! *)*

    • February 27, 2009 11:44 AM

      Clean and well organized? Doesn’t seem bad to me. 🙂 We men secretly like all the things you ladies do to look nice! At least this guy does. 🙂

  3. February 27, 2009 12:54 PM

    I freaking LOVE this one!!!!

  4. February 27, 2009 1:25 PM

    Well you just described it very well. Did you come up with this or did you find it??? The womens #10 got me good!!! And every # on the mens had me laughing and shaking my head in agreement…especially #2!!! Tff.
    Hey looks like we have a new blogger..Brownie….a big “woohoo” for that…that’s always a good thing!!!

    • February 27, 2009 5:39 PM

      My buddy sent me this in an email. I thought it was so damn funny that I HAD to post it! I think ALL married guys do #2! I know I do that every chance I get! LOL My wife just shakes her head and smiles at me. Sometimes she even raises and eyebrow and smiles!!! I think you ladies secretly LIKE it! ROFLMAO!!!

      Yes, new bloggers are ALWAYS a good thing! WELCOME BROWNIE!!!

  5. February 27, 2009 2:36 PM

    lol….

    nice one….we look so funny when you look from a side…)))

    lmao

    • February 27, 2009 5:03 PM

      Hey sugardaddy!

      Thanks for dropping by and commenting! Us guys do look pretty funny when we look at ourselves from another perspective so to speak.

  6. ~*вяσωηιє*~ permalink
    February 28, 2009 12:38 AM

    lol, thanks Gary and Nikki. This blog is just a hook on for me! 😀

  7. March 2, 2009 1:50 AM

    Very funny but so true, especially the wife covering any exposed bits like we’ve never seen her naked before.

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